I know my flaws, and i’ve diagnosed my own problems… I don’t need anyone to tell me about myself because I already know, but it sometimes take some reassurance. Talking to other people can sometimes be that reassurance I need, because I usually learn something about myself in every conversation I have. I’m battling myself trying to fix this problem I have, and it wasn’t until yesterday I looked at it as a serious problem. I hate to be any kind of “victim”, I hate to make anything about myself, and i hate to feel weak in a sense that I might need help. I feel like i’m not one with a real problem because I know there are other people in the world with way bigger problems than mine, and that also go through things I can only imagine. I think for once, I need to think about myself; I need to be selfish, and I need to put myself first, and it’s okay.
I never asked myself why I am the way that I am, because I felt like I already knew. We all go through things, so nothing about what I have been through makes me any different and i’ve always thought this way, so my thoughts kind of over shadow my problems. I like to think of myself as happy person, a grateful person, someone who does things in positive ways, and has a good life and is doing good things. But I had to ask myself, “Am I really happy?”. & Now i’m asking myself, “What is it going to take for me to truly be happy?”
I need to talk more, but I need someone to talk to, and as easy as it is to open your mouth and spit out words, it’s hard to say what you really want to say. Its hard for me to say the things that I think, and its especially hard to say those things to someone i’m not comfortable with. I have people in my life, I have people that love me and care about me deeply and i’m happy that I do, i’m grateful for every person in my life, but why do I still always feel alone?